Whereabouts is Smurf Land?

Continuing my trip back in time through the album charts

07/07/96 : Smurfs Go Pop! - The Smurfs

OK - I'm not sure I'm doing anyone (least of all myself) any favours here, but I feel like I should listen to this.  I've basically ignored it for the past couple of months as it's popped up week after week - so I've basically revisited my "culturally relevant" argument and accepted that, in 1996, this was culturally relevant.  I don't have the faintest idea why, but I just have to accept it was.  This was the last week that it would have been the chosen album and I've checked that we'll later visit the album that misses out this week, so let's go for it.  I'm expecting it to be ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY awful, but I know I have no-one to blame but myself.

Oh yes, it's really bad.  You can assume that if I don't mention a track then it's merely awful, but special cases of awfulness will be mentioned where appropriate.  So let's start with the opening track - "Smurfs Are Back" is basically "No Limit" by 2 Unlimited with any vestige of creativity ruthlessly expunged from it (and it's not like the original was drowning in creativity).  Next up for discussion - "The Noisy Smurf" (based on Bjork's "It's Oh So Quiet") which is, surprisingly, not dreadful.  I mean, it's not great but the original does somewhat invite a mad remake - and this is it.  "Smurf Land" is oddly based on "(Living Next Door To) Alice" and features the strange refrain "Smurf Land?  Whereabouts is Smurf Land?" (which, of course, I rewrote in my head every time I heard it).  "Smurfhillbilly Joe" is another one that's surprisingly no worse than the original - maybe even more bearable?  (and yes, this is hardly high praise).  "We're The Smurfs" based on Supergrass' "We're Alright" is, however, considerably worse than the original.  And finally, "Mr Blobby And The Smurfs" is just as bad as you'd imagine - the things I do in the name of research.

What is astounding throughout the album is the incredibly low production values - it sounds like it was knocked up in 5 minutes by someone who had no clue what they were doing.  Having listened to it, I've no idea who bought it - I can see it was popular with kids, but that doesn't even begin to explain the chart longevity.  I know that chart placings were easier to fix back then ("Shaddap Your Face" did keep "Vienna" off the top of the singles chart, after all) but I don't really see why anyone would bother - who gains from such nonsense?  It's not like they got massive radio airplay as a result and they certainly didn't get any sales in our house - 9/26.

This week, we're at #5 in the charts on their second week of a 33 week run, including an eight week run in the top 5, peaking at #2 (thank you, Alanis!).  The rest of the top five were Crowded House, Alanis, Celine Dion and Ocean Colour Scene - those five would hold the top five spots for the next five weeks.  The highest new entry was all was down at #35 from Booth And The Bad Angel, which sounds like a side project album if ever I heard one.  And verily, it is - Tim Booth (from James) and Angelo Badalementi (best known for his work with David Lynch), featuring Bernard Butler.  And I suspect I'd quite like it if I ever get round to listening to it.

Wikipedia, thankfully, doesn't have a lot on the album other than a track listing giving all the original versions -  I was surprised to see there are four original songs towards the end of the album.  Since I didn't specifically mention them as being awful, I can only assume the element of murdering a perfectly reasonable song is part of my dislike of the album.

"Customers also listened to" - you'll be disappointed to know I'm unable to provide you this information because the album isn't available on Amazon.  It's glad to hear that some musical horrors are hidden from view to prevent kids stumbling across them.  This album achieved the almost impossible of feat of making me feel pleased that my daughter made me endure the Moshi Monsters album - with my nostalgic brain on, it's considerably more bearable than this abomination and I offer my condolences to anyone who had kids of the wrong age in the year 1996. 

30/06/96 - Not even perfectly serviceable
14/07/96 - Just incredibly dull