Sorry, we're a little confused about procedure

Continuing my trip up The Guardian's top 50 films of 2022

#31 : Crimes Of The Future

As he did with 90s hit Crash, David Cronenberg’s horror sensation creates a bizarre new society of sicko sybarites where pain is the ultimate pleasure and “surgery is the new sex”

I've heard of this and believe it had a pretty mixed reception - I'm expecting it to be extremely odd and I'm not expecting to like it.

Hmmm - yup, it's a "bizarre new society of sicko sybarites" and no mistake.  Basically, pain has been banished (somehow) so people have to search it out by doing bizarre things to their bodies using bizarre machines.  And, at the same time, there some kind of mystery involved which some people try to solve or maybe not solve.  Oh yes, and there's a kid that can eat plastic involved as well.  And some people making some purple bars which people eat.

To be absolutely honest, for a lot of the film I wasn't at all sure what was going on, but the mystery did eventually become clearer - at which point I kinda shrugged.  There is a reasonably obvious gaping plot-hole which one of the characters even points out, merely to have another of the characters say "I can't explain it" - which is just lazy, I'm afraid.

What I can categorically say is that this film is a load of pretentious bollocks.  There's a lot of unpleasant imagery on display which doesn't actually contribute anything and there's also a lot of dialogue in this that doesn't seem to actually help either - it all looks and sounds like it's meaningful but if you actually pay attention to it, then I'm afraid the emperor has no clothes.  Yes, maybe it's too complex for me to understand - but I just didn't care.

There are some fine actors in this but they are all made to act in a very understated and odd way with minimal emotions - I appreciate that it's "the future" and that's obviously what we're all going to be like, but it feels strange to get some great actors and then make them act like they can't act.  So I'm going to give Welket Bungué the first name-check because he get to be almost normal and Scott Speedman also impresses.  Viggo Mortensen, Léa Seydoux and Kristen Stewart all feel very wasted though - Viggo is made to wear a mask or a cape for a lot of the film for no obvious reason and he also coughs at the most inopportune times for no reason.

The overall style is well imagined, if decidedly odd - it's all very beige (even the shiny new machines), but the "body horror" elements are just nasty.  Without being obviously similar, the film reminded me of Titane and Annette - both of which were films I didn't particularly enjoy, but I found them more intriguing than this.  Possessor is also a touchpoint, but that's an easy-to-make comparison with the family connection.  I can absolutely see that the critics went wild for it (they love a bit of Cronenberg) and fans will tell me I just don't understand the genius, but I'm afraid it just bored or mildly revolted me (yup, I wasn't even properly revolted).

At time of writing, you can stream this on Sky or rent it at all the normal locations - but don't say I didn't warn you.

#32 - An educational write-up for an intriguing film
#30 - A great film with a star performance