Reasons to be cheerful, Pt. 3

Want to make this year happier, healthier and more positive than the last?  Then, according to last weekend's Guardian magazine, there's a load of things you should be doing (most of which there's no danger that you currently are).  Some I agree with, some not so much - and I felt if I let it slide I wouldn't be making myself happier, healthier or more positive.

I actually find the concept of "happiness" a very interesting one because of the complex and personal nature of it all.  Generally, I consider myself to be a happy person - I fully realise I have a lot to be happy about, but I also know it's far too simplistic to assume that will automatically result in happiness.  I do have a tendency towards low level anxiety, often about things over which I have absolutely no control - however, as I've got older I've got better at recognising the causes and either addressing them (where possible) or trying to accept them.

One thing that does make me happier is lists, so here (in all its glory) is what The Guardian think we should all be doing...

1. Change Your Mindset
"Well, like - duh" was my initial thought, but then I read it.  And after that, my thought was "well, like - duh".  Funnily enough, the tricky bit is identifying the bit of your mindset that you need to change - the article gave some clues that might work for some people but, if anything, I think they'd make things worse for me.  Personally, I quite like my mindset so I won't be changing it but I can see how some people need this - but it's never going to be a case of finding a switch to flip.  Let's settle on "consider whether you feel you might benefit from changing your mindset and how you might go about doing so" - although I agree it's not such a snappy headline.

2. Revive Your Friendships
I wasn't convinced by the headline, but the article basically says "nourish those friendships which are important to you" which I do agree with.  Personally, I'd also add "reach out to people you haven't contacted in ages" which I do every so often - it's not a friendship as such, but it's always good to hear news and some of it even turns out to be good news (even in a year like 2020)

3. Climb A Tree
Yeah, I can see this - the physical exertion, the different view and the reminder of more innocent times could well be beneficial.  However, when you get a certain age, this advice changes to "Do not, under any circumstances, climb a tree".  I'm not quite there yet - but I suspect just getting outside in the fresh air is probably good enough for me.

4. Dance Like Nobody's Watching
I hate this phrase.  Personally, I always dance like nobody's watching and it's fine, but it doesn't massively push any happiness buttons for me.  However, if you'd like to dance and don't do so because you think someone might be watching then maybe you ought to consider why.  As an aside, one thing we discovered last year is that if my daughter videos me attempting to dance and then shows it to her mates, then it makes them feel happier - so sometimes you need to accept your role is simply to entertain.

5. Find Your Hope
Woah - this was a heavy one.  It was basically advice from people who do difficult jobs (hospice nurse, bereavement councillor, fireman) that yes, things are pretty shit but they're not 100% shit.  And I kinda see where they're coming from - but I have concerns that some people would just use this to identify new ways in which their life could be worse.  It also smacks somewhat of "cheer up - life could be worse".

6. Maximise Your Walk
We should all be walking better, apparently.  I guess it's not going to hurt to try - but personally I'm going to wait until the weather gets a bit better.  I also have concerns that my enjoyment of one of life's simple pleasures might be reduced by the dawning realisation that I'm doing it wrong.

7. Grow Something
I did this last year - a lot - and it really helped me.  Pick something easy or pick something challenging but the visual feedback (and taste, for fruit and veg) is immensely satisfying both in the short and long term.

8. Follow The Dopamine Dress Code
Nope - this is bollocks.  Wear what you want, when you want - especially during lockdown and you/no-one has to see no-one/you (delete as appropriate!)

9. Do One Thing At A Time
I'm a man - what exactly do you think I've been doing all this time?  (apart from reinforce gender-based stereotypes, of course)

10. Improve Your Snack Game
This sounds pretty trivial, but actually makes quite a few valid points all at once - yes, you eat better but you also take a break from work, get the reward of creating something, enjoy the results and return to work recharged.  I'd have to say I'm not 100% convinced about the soy egg recipe they've included, but I'm almost intrigued enough to try it.  I'd also say that planning and cooking meals has a similar positive impact for me (at least until your children declare everything you've spent hours producing to be utterly disgusting)

11. Listen To Your Elders
I agree with this, but conversely I also say "listen to your youngers" - i personally find there's a lot to be gained from listening to the utter bollocks my daughters come out with on a regular basis.

12. Have Better Sex
I can only begin to imagine how much happier and more positive this article must have made those people starting 2021 in lockdown by themselves.

13. Drink Smart
It turns out that "smart" here really means "less" - noooooooo!!!  I suspect it's not a fact everyone wants to hear, but unfortunately that doesn't stop it being a fact.

14. Try Therapy
I can't really comment here because I've never tried it - I suspect I would find it challenging, but I can see it could have a positive effect (although I'd have to overcome the fact that I was hating paying for it!).  Those people I know who have tried it are generally very positive, but I suspect it's tricky to arrange in these times and definitely not a luxury everyone can afford to pay for themselves.

15. Get Political
An interesting one.  Personally, I've felt politically powerless for quite some time now - particularly when considering a certain ongoing drama which has unfolded over the past 4 years and this has just been doubled down by the general handling of the pandemic.  And I fully accept that this has impacted my happiness at times - although I'm generally happy to go with the flow, having to go with a flow I fundamentally disagree with does not make for happy times.  However, would I have been happier if I'd been more political or would I have been less happier when I realised how little effect my attempts at action were having?  I guess we'll never know...

16. Try A DIY Health Hack
Want to try dopamine fasting, an LED face mask, Beeja meditation, manifesting or Wim Hof?  Knock yourself out, but don't expect me not to laugh at you.  To be fair to the article, it does rate these activities and declares meditation to be of use and manifesting (getting stuff by imagining it happening) to be utter bollocks, so there's some hope for it.  My overall view is that as long as you're not hurting anyone and it helps you, then there's no harm in it - but don't try to convert others to your quackery unless you're happy to be knocked back/laughed at/ignored (he says entirely non-judgementally)

17. Rotate Your Hips
This is saying you should do the "hip circle" - which I've never heard of.  And I've read the instructions now and am none the wiser - again, I'm almost tempted to try it, but me attempting to co-ordinate my body movement often doesn't end well (see also - cartwheels, ballroom dancing)

18. Scent The Room
Just about OK if we're talking about bread, coffee or flowers.  Otherwise - just no.

19. Make The Perfect At-Home Coffee
We have a great coffee machine and I find that it greatly contributes to my mental well-being.  However, following the Guardian recommended approach of taking out a new mortgage to buy a coffee plantation, grinding the beans individually between blood-free diamonds, fetching the water by hand from the nearest natural calcium-free but potassium-rich spring, preparing it in an antique percolator boiled over a natural flame and then frothing the milk using a manual whisk would not make me a happy person.  No, siree.

20. But Don't Drink It In The Morning
Apparently it ruins your adenosine levels.  Other random advice in this section is "don't hit snooze", "have photos of loved ones in your car" and "don't get up if you don't want to".  Errr.  OK.

21. Learn How To Be Sad Better
There's a load of mumbo-jumbo in this article, but I generally agree with the concept - sometimes you have to accept that you are sad because sad things have happened to you and you have every right to be sad.  Understanding that should hopefully enable you to see a way out of the sadness - but navigating that path is still likely to be tricky.

Overall, I think it's an interesting list and whilst I wasn't entirely convinced by the tone of some of the articles ("you MUST do this if you're unhappy - and if you don't, you only have yourself to blame") I feel that generally there are worse things you could try to improve your happiness.

So, what do I think they've missed?  Personally, I would add

1. Create something different
Personally, I've gone for writing during this difficult period and it's been good to use my brain in a different way to normal and then have something to point at and say "I did that".  And fortunately no-one's said "stop doing that" yet.

2. Complete something
This is a somewhat abstract grouping, but things I've completed and found pleasing during the pandemic period are 

• God Of War (100%!)
• The US Office (9 seasons)
• Empire 100 best films of the century (all watched now!)
• Building a greenhouse

I'm annoyed I haven't finished painting the fence yet, but that's on the list for this year!  Obviously the most appropriate thing for you is going to depend entirely on you - but doing something and getting to the end of it may well give you a sense of satisfaction (and hopefully not despair at it all being over - and most things you can always just start again with!).

3. Listen to music/read a book/watch TV or film

Whatever you enjoy really - but immerse yourself in it and take yourself away from everything else.

4. Laugh

This feels like a serious omission.  Obviously everyone finds different things amusing, but whatever your preferred laughter poison is, sample it often.  Also, try other laughter poisons - you might like them!  As a family, we're very much enjoying Taskmaster - it has a good broad spectrum of laughs - so why not give that a go?

5. Lose weight (but only if you need to)
I'm trying, I really am!  The process is most definitely not designed to make me happy, but the end result does when I get there (and then lockdown/holiday/Xmas comes along and I'm back to square one all over again).

6. Talk to people
Not as easy as it could be in these times, but hopefully you are still able to find some way to initiate human contact.  It may help to talk about your unhappiness or it may help to not talk about everything but your unhappiness - whatever works for you, works for you.

There is, obviously, no one solution that works for everyone (because that would be weird) or even every time - and the pursuit of happiness itself is often the cause of much unhappiness.  I also find it interesting that some of the items on the list I can instantly dismiss as being actively unhelpful for me - but if they work for you, then I sincerely hope you just ignore me!  I'm also interested in anything you think that's missing from the list.

If you feel you need something then I hope you find it - if something in this post helps, then I'm pleased (although I will laugh at you if I see you wearing an LED face mask).  

Next : Reasons to be cheerful, Pt. 4